For the past few days, I have been contemplating about several things simultaneously. On how I'd change the world, On hoping that I'd pass the ACET, On why i always look for an immediate explanation for everything...in which i end up picking any answer I could come up with, even if it's not the most sensible. And on how to start.
It took me two years in architecture to realize that it wasn't for me... Nor was I for it. It would make no sense for me to say that I have learned nothing in those two years. If not for all the pencil-breaking, back-breaking, sleep-depriving nights I had, I wouldn't have ever known that it's not what I want to do. I'm not saying that I already know what to do with my life completely. But what I do know is that I now know which direction to go.
"An obscure beginning of an exciting adventure"
With architecture bidding farewell from the front door of my life, my newly discovered passion came in through the back.
Making the world a better place.
Though I am not yet firm on which discipline to follow, what I do know is that It's what I think I want to do with my life now.
To change the world in the most righteous way I can.
On how I realized this, another post shall be written.
A couple of hours from now, I'll be sitting in a room with people just like me, hoping to study in ateneo for college.
Somehow, it got to me that, in order to be the best that I am, I have to graduate from this specific university, work in this certain company, and be with the kind of people that i'd want to be. In short, I got it all planned to the tiniest of details.
But it doesn't work that way, things doesn't always go as planned. I might not get in the university of my choice, I may not get accepted in a company I'd like to work for, and the people that I'd to be surrounded with might not even be real.
I'm not saying that all of the things I had planned would all turn out to be otherwise, but what I'm saying is that they wont also be as perfect as I want it to be.
I have to prepare for the best and the worst thing that could happen.
The exam would be divided into several parts. Math, English, Logic, and the essay part. The only thing that bothers me the most here is math. You see, I may not be the worst in math class... But I'm most certainly not the best. In fact, I think I'm actually leaning to the lower end of the scale. But then again, when i look at myself, The only criteria I have is being either the best or the worst... So its actually pretty hard to know where i belong in the scale.
I somehow got this thought that if I'm not the best in math then I dont deserve to study in ateneo. But then again, are all the students in ateneo stupendously great in math? Im not saying that there's little chance of it happening but then again, it's still just a possibility.
I might not actually be the best student in math, but I'm not the worst either.
And if i keep on thinking that not being great in something makes me unqualified to do another, then it's like saying that i have to be great at everything before i do something else.
There wouldn't be any difference in thinking that
"If I'm not great in math, what makes me qualified to enter ateneo?"
as compared to
"If I'm not great in math, what makes me qualified to live?"
It doesn't make sense thinking that way.
I have to accept that fact that I am human and that i cannot be great in everything. But it doesn't mean that i wont try anymore, in fact, I believe that it's actually a more profound reason to keep on trying.
I may not be great in math, but it doesn't mean that i will never be or that i will never try.
Who I was contributed to who I am and will be the seeds of who I will be.
I believe that even if I'm not good in math, I have what i takes to enter ateneo and to study in ateneo and to stay. And if just in the chances that i do not pass the entrance exam, It doesn't mean that there's no other choice.
We always have a choice.
Who I was paved the way to who I am and will be the seeds of who I will be.
Pursuing what I believe will be the best for me will not be easy,
like a soldier about to leave his family, it will be hard. But hard, does not mean impossible... Hard means possible, only hard.
We always have a choice.
it's true.
It's just a matter of picking the right choice and making the right decision for all the right reasons.
And if those choices, decisions and reasons be hard, it wont stop me from trying.
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